Being authentically YOUnique

Is the life you're living reflective of who you really are?  Or are you simply playing the role of the person you think you should be?  Is there something you've always desired to do or have, but haven't attempted out of concern for what others would say?  Have you dedicated your time and energy to something for which you have no passion?  When you look in the mirror, do you recognize the person staring back at you? 

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others

that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. 

~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

The person that you are today is based on your past experiences, your current circumstance, and your future goals.  As a child, you probably had dreams of what you would be when you grew up.  Perhaps you wanted to be a firefighter, an astronaut, or a teacher.  Maybe you had ambitions of being a famous musician or actor.  These aspirations were born of your fascination and fueled by your illusions.  But along the way, your perceptions began to be challenged by others.

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions,

their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

- Oscar Wilde

He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.  ~Raymond Hull

We are not solitary beings.  It's human nature for us to desire a connection with those around us.  Often, the desire to belong and be accepted is so strong that it forces us to change who we are in order to receive validation.  When we seek approval from external sources rather than from within, we discredit our own perceptions and beliefs.  Suddenly, our goals are not our goals any more.  They become diluted notions that comply with the collective feedback of those around us. 
 

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,

instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. 

~Judy Garland

Accept no ones definition of your life; define yourself. ~Harvey Fierstein

The next time you start to doubt yourself and you look to others for validation, consider how unreasonable it is to give more merit to another person's views than your own.  It's inconceivable that others would hold the key to your happiness or know your strengths and purpose more than you would.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.  ~e.e. cummings

There is no feeling more satisfying than being comfortable in your own skin.  There will always be critics and since it's impossible to please everyone, why not please yourself . . .

 

Finding happiness despite your circumstance

About twenty-two months ago, I received news that no person wants to hear.  My father called to inform me that he'd just been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma; an incurable cancer of the plasma cells in the bone marrow.  His words were simple and direct, 

"Honey, remember I told you that I've been feeling a bit fatigued for the past few months.  Well, the doctors ran some tests and the results are in.  I have Multiple Myeloma."

I remember a wave of emotions washing over me:  panic, anger, fear, and sadness.  As I struggled to quiet the inner dialogue going on in my head and focus on what my father was saying, I was astounded by how unbelievably calm he was. At first, I thought it was just the protective nature of a parent, shielding his little girl from unpleasantness.  But the longer we talked, the more I realized that he wasn't protecting me.  He was calm for a completely different reason . . . he had found ACCEPTANCE.  

"Happiness can exist only in acceptance." 

- George Orwell

Now, don't be confused; acceptance doesn't mean giving up.  Acceptance means acknowledging something to be true without protest.  As unpleasant and difficult as this news was, my father had completely accepted his diagnosis and the path that lay ahead of him.  He said to me, 

"There's no cure for this, but I don't want you to worry.  I've lived a very long, good life and if tomorrow is my last day on earth, I will die a happy man.  I have no regrets.  I couldn't be more proud of my children and the life I've lived.  But I promise you this . . . I'm not done living yet!"

The words resounded in my head . . . "I'm not done living yet!"  My father could've easily chosen to become bitter, adopt a 'why me' mentality, or begin to worry and fret about what the future held.  Instead, he chose to accept that from this point on, his life would look different than he had expected and he was determined to live each day to its fullest in a state of gratitude.

How many times have we stopped living our lives because unexpected things come up?  How many times do we look at change through a lens of fear?  How many times do we let circumstance paralyze us?  How many times are we so focused on the WHAT IFs that we lose sight of WHAT IS?  

"Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions,
it is governed by our mental attitude" 

- Dale Carnegie

 

A life of happiness isn't one that is devoid of change, challenge or difficulty.  A life of happiness is one that is lived to its fullest, regardless of circumstance.  

I am happy to report that my Dad has kept his promise to me.  Twenty-two months from his initial diagnosis, my father's still 'not done living yet'.  He has been a source of motivation, positivity, strength and courage to those who know and love him.  In fact, just yesterday, I received another phone call from my dad; very different from the one we had almost 2 years ago.  This one went a little like this, 

"The doctors have decided to stop my treatment because my levels have returned to normal and there is currently no sign of cancer.  We will continue to test and monitor and will resume treatment if needed."  

I was humbled, overwhelmed with relief and grateful at the news.  And once again, I found myself amazed at my father's calmness; the same calmness he had when he first told me of his illness.  I realize now that it's because no matter the circumstance, he is genuinely happy.

The next time life throws you a challenge that seems too large to handle, face it head on and say . . .

"I'm not done living yet!"